Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Rules of Engagement

They say people are all unique, all an original soul, as a finger print is one of a kind, so are our hearts. Sure the flesh and blood that make them up are the same, we all work differently, we all love differently. But there are five kinds of love, how we play each other’s hearts depends on the types of roles we play and want to be a part of.

 Acts Of Service, have you ever seen a man cooking dinner, or a woman cutting the grass, they are not a abnormal couple, they are simply showing acts of service, the small things we often overlook as mundane and a must do. Like opening the car door for the wife, or polishing your husband’s shoes and removing the lint from his suit. They are not 1960’s couple who did what was required. They do these small acts to show their affection to one another. As long as there is a smile in the beginning to end and it is done with the intent of helping, not doing it because you were asked. Aka, taking the trash out. Do it because you want to, and the partner will smile.
The Words of Affirmation, this love is when there is a lot of showering of love, we like to hear how nice we look, or how great the clothes we wear are, or even simply, that tea was amaze balls. To simply hear words that make us smile, words that highlight and outline our souls with radiance and love. Giving your partner or someone you are interested these words will build confidence in one another and when they are alone, they will smile at thin air at the thought of something you said. Have you seen those people who walk in a mall and just smile, they are not crazy, they have had their hearts needs tended to. And that is awesome.

Quality time, no they are not being needy and clingy, it’s how they share their affections and heart. They build love through a lot of interaction, communication and spending time together. Whether it is coffee in a booth at a cafĂ©, or a picnic at the zoo. They focus their energy on one another. This is their love language, close and intimate. They can be in a crowded room, music blaring or shouting and they will have each other’s undivided attention. Have you ever seen those people that even if they stand across the room from each other, one look and they are hooked, drawn to each other? This also happens when people randomly bump into each other, or introduced, the connection and chemistry is instant. They express their heart through time spent together, whether it be in silence or at movie.

Gift. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery .we often misunderstand this love, as a way of buying the heart, yet in fact it is an art form, like watching the mating dance of colourful bird. They give gifts as a way of showing their love, sounds materialistic and superficial. Nut it’s who they are and how they express. Some couples one loves to be given gifts and if the partner forgets, they feel neglected and unloved. It’s not about expense, it about the thought, the message behind the single white daisy, or the card that sings happy songs to the recipient. They find love through objects of affection, not buying of the heart. Often misunderstood.
Physical Touch, often the most powerful sense. The simple touch of holding hands, we take it for granted as it is something we are so used to, but often some people base all their feelings and investments in touch. So if you don’t hug them or hold their hand, they take it as you are not interested. To fulfil this need do what’s in your heart, if the chemistry and the attraction in there, what the worst that can happen if you show a little love through the hug or the peck. People of touch need a lot of love and affection to keep them in the relationship. So shower them with kisses and hugs, cheesy I know.

So no reading this, you are seeing what you are and if involved what they are. How does this affect a relationship? Well, if you do not show your partner their kind of love, they will be feeling left out, and vice versa. To have a great relationship, you need to break down the wall and masks, tell them they look good if that’s the affirmation they seek, or hold their hand in the park. Give them a rose, mop the floor or just snuggle on the couch and watch Law and Order. Simple as these love types sound, they are far from. The problem with new relationships is to try figure them out straight away, we do this because we want to know if you should invest time. Not hearing from, or hearing you are beautiful pushes you away as your think they are not interested, when in fact it’s probably because they express love through another channel, it may be gifts like taking your for dinner and getting you a teddy bear at the toy store, or they may just like the quality time. We tend to over analyze affection and words. This causes confusion and often drives people away from each other as they don’t understand. So which type are you and how do you come to terms with it? You look to see what you complain a lot about. I know I am the love that needs affirmation, I need to hear interest and like compliments, it’s not ego, and it’s how I see if someone likes me.  What do you request often is the next question. What do you complain about when you start seeing someone?  That will help highlight what channel of love you are. Speaking your partner’s language won’t be easy or feel natural, but in time it will pay off as you will get each other on a different level. Love is something we want and is something that takes two to tango, so play the right beats, do the right dance steps and soon your relationship will get better, and potential relationships can take a step to the right space by understanding one another.
So now you sit staring at the words and things will blow off in your head like many bulbs going off. You are linking your own thoughts and memories, things that have happened in the past, what could be happening now, well now you have the tools to help. So find your channel, and express it, and then express their love to.

Go forth and prosper all the lovers.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Holding Yourself Hostage

n an alternate universe would I be me, would I look the same, act the same, have the same life. If so, I hope that planet burns from the sun. As I want to be unique and original. But I am human, and being this being I go through hardships, heartaches and face the bumps in the road. How I come out after each great journey or great escape depends on the moods and the feelings in the moment, in that second. We create our destiny, we shape others lives, but when do we become selfish, and give up on saving you and them and finally care for ourselves?

 This story is not one of vanity or ego. It is my skin deep truth, the truth of Kyle, and what he struggles with everyday. Because that smile or pout are the masks that shield the insecure person below. I have learnt a lot I life at the tender age of 23, I know people, and some say I judge too early, it’s just my barrier. Keeping people on the other side of the csi tape is how I cope. To scared of the reality of having a crush, or falling in love, or simply to being my true self with someone. We just want to have a avatars tail and connect on a level that goes beyond reason. The difficulty is finding that someone to connect with, and if you do, then what? Play games, be completely honest and make yourself as vulnerable as a baby bambi deer in a lion’s den. What scares us most was shaped by past experiences, as we see the flaws of past friendships, relationships. How do we move forward, how do we move on. All I know is that I have always been the stepping stone to someone or something better. They not over their ex, they are still in a relationship, they are single and want to play, they are married, they are in the closet. I have been there, I have done it, and I have come to become who I am. A hostage to myself. I want people to experience life their own way, I want them to become happy with themselves in order to be happy with someone else, but like in every relationship you garden someone to the point that you become just that, you garden this rose, and they get picked and you don’t. It’s like wasting all your time to be cut from the picture time and time again. So now I just stay out of people’s way. Let them do what they need to find self love. I respect the fact that people change their minds, but with that change comes consequence, and people have to come to not care about others feelings, why, because it’s so easy to find someone new. So like in the movies there is that person sitting crying in the rain, that is me, but I will not let people define me or my outcomes, all I want is to share all I have, my heart, my mind and my soul. But, time and people are something I have started losing patience with. So for now,  I will be me, myself and I. and then you and I, one day.

 With this negative outlook on love and attraction I have become numb to feeling, this cold feeling gives off this bitch expression, I’m just scared. And when I do let someone in, I have to try so hard to show I care, I have to always justify my attraction, I have to prove I want to try be happy with someone, and like Kurt Cobains face, I get shot every single time. My best friend said to me once, I build fantasies in my head, I build an imaginary friend in my life, and rip myself to shreds when things don’t work out. But this life we live is not a fairytale, it’s a reality. And sure I’m emotional at the moment post tragic events in my life, a break up from a first love, a treasured family member passing. But we only live once, so I plan to make the best of it, from today. After this post I will make things happen, not for anyone else but Kyle, build my own reality, and what comes, comes. I won’t chase that highway unicorn. I will ride the white horse into the distance, who ever jumps on the horses back and rides with me into the sunset, time can tell. I can’t, so cheers to life, cheers to dreams, cheers to my avatar connection, I look forward to meeting you, one day.

Thursday, 1 September 2011


If we go back in history and look at the mighty men and woman who graced the pages of the comics, blew our minds and eye sockets on the big screen or the toys that we eventually threw away with age. But lets be honest, we never grow up, we love the mystery, the romance and the action they portray. What we would give to be the damsel in distress being saved by a hunky beefy man with a skintight  super suit. How are they made? Some radioactive freaks made from a genetic spill gone bad making a huge giant of man, who is green and sports a pair of purple pants that expand and contract and never rip off with every change. or the Dork turned superhero from a tiny spider, one little bite had him spewing webs and climbing on walls. Then comes superheroes that are made from money, the dark knight with the man abilities of flight and awesome gadgets that will make any girls panties flair up or at least explode. The man from a distant planet with the ability to crush a car, or fly and hear a cat peeing on a tree. all these guys either are dressed skin tight, or half naked, muscles rippling and have girls and sometimes boys fainting. Why are we mesmerized? Why do we want to super powers, we are human, we have enough power within ourselves to do anything. Save the Rhinos, protect a president from a bullet, trying to stop global warming. We have it in us to be great, and some people just have 'IT'. For me the people that are lights in the darkness, or the people in white coats, they are our superheroes, they save life's, they make it better. They are our doctors.

Doctors are magical, with the ability to fly from one side of the hospital to the other in the blink of a human eye. or the ability to bring someone back from the brink of death with some magic beans aka medication. They never stop to amaze me, inspiring me want to be a better person. Want to help the needy, but we weren't all born with the ability to heal and cut, some of  us paint and write. While my Grandmother was sick and in the hospital, i never wanted to go to the hospital, never wanted to see her ill, i wanted to remember her as she was, not the lady in the bed. But the day i went i was not disappointed with the angels in whites ability to care, to help to make the family feel better, then it dawned on me, why do they do it? why do they want to help and heal, because they are superheroes, they dont need purple short shorts no matter how awesome and funny that would be , they don't need to flash their abilities. They dont need muscles to fix and help you, they need hands, miracle hands. Like the dark knight they are driven to do good, like the hulk they change and adapt to their surroundings, like the superman they hear the pain, cure the pain and then fly off into the distance to next needy person. The radioactive spiderman, not saying they can hang upside down, but they do have the energy of an atom bomb, doing 24 hours shifts and still put on a comforting smile. Doctorman doesn't really have that awesome ring to it , but who needs tights and spandex when they have white coats. The rock the wards, they rocked my mind. They are a blinding inspiration.