Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Rules of Engagement

They say people are all unique, all an original soul, as a finger print is one of a kind, so are our hearts. Sure the flesh and blood that make them up are the same, we all work differently, we all love differently. But there are five kinds of love, how we play each other’s hearts depends on the types of roles we play and want to be a part of.

 Acts Of Service, have you ever seen a man cooking dinner, or a woman cutting the grass, they are not a abnormal couple, they are simply showing acts of service, the small things we often overlook as mundane and a must do. Like opening the car door for the wife, or polishing your husband’s shoes and removing the lint from his suit. They are not 1960’s couple who did what was required. They do these small acts to show their affection to one another. As long as there is a smile in the beginning to end and it is done with the intent of helping, not doing it because you were asked. Aka, taking the trash out. Do it because you want to, and the partner will smile.
The Words of Affirmation, this love is when there is a lot of showering of love, we like to hear how nice we look, or how great the clothes we wear are, or even simply, that tea was amaze balls. To simply hear words that make us smile, words that highlight and outline our souls with radiance and love. Giving your partner or someone you are interested these words will build confidence in one another and when they are alone, they will smile at thin air at the thought of something you said. Have you seen those people who walk in a mall and just smile, they are not crazy, they have had their hearts needs tended to. And that is awesome.

Quality time, no they are not being needy and clingy, it’s how they share their affections and heart. They build love through a lot of interaction, communication and spending time together. Whether it is coffee in a booth at a cafĂ©, or a picnic at the zoo. They focus their energy on one another. This is their love language, close and intimate. They can be in a crowded room, music blaring or shouting and they will have each other’s undivided attention. Have you ever seen those people that even if they stand across the room from each other, one look and they are hooked, drawn to each other? This also happens when people randomly bump into each other, or introduced, the connection and chemistry is instant. They express their heart through time spent together, whether it be in silence or at movie.

Gift. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery .we often misunderstand this love, as a way of buying the heart, yet in fact it is an art form, like watching the mating dance of colourful bird. They give gifts as a way of showing their love, sounds materialistic and superficial. Nut it’s who they are and how they express. Some couples one loves to be given gifts and if the partner forgets, they feel neglected and unloved. It’s not about expense, it about the thought, the message behind the single white daisy, or the card that sings happy songs to the recipient. They find love through objects of affection, not buying of the heart. Often misunderstood.
Physical Touch, often the most powerful sense. The simple touch of holding hands, we take it for granted as it is something we are so used to, but often some people base all their feelings and investments in touch. So if you don’t hug them or hold their hand, they take it as you are not interested. To fulfil this need do what’s in your heart, if the chemistry and the attraction in there, what the worst that can happen if you show a little love through the hug or the peck. People of touch need a lot of love and affection to keep them in the relationship. So shower them with kisses and hugs, cheesy I know.

So no reading this, you are seeing what you are and if involved what they are. How does this affect a relationship? Well, if you do not show your partner their kind of love, they will be feeling left out, and vice versa. To have a great relationship, you need to break down the wall and masks, tell them they look good if that’s the affirmation they seek, or hold their hand in the park. Give them a rose, mop the floor or just snuggle on the couch and watch Law and Order. Simple as these love types sound, they are far from. The problem with new relationships is to try figure them out straight away, we do this because we want to know if you should invest time. Not hearing from, or hearing you are beautiful pushes you away as your think they are not interested, when in fact it’s probably because they express love through another channel, it may be gifts like taking your for dinner and getting you a teddy bear at the toy store, or they may just like the quality time. We tend to over analyze affection and words. This causes confusion and often drives people away from each other as they don’t understand. So which type are you and how do you come to terms with it? You look to see what you complain a lot about. I know I am the love that needs affirmation, I need to hear interest and like compliments, it’s not ego, and it’s how I see if someone likes me.  What do you request often is the next question. What do you complain about when you start seeing someone?  That will help highlight what channel of love you are. Speaking your partner’s language won’t be easy or feel natural, but in time it will pay off as you will get each other on a different level. Love is something we want and is something that takes two to tango, so play the right beats, do the right dance steps and soon your relationship will get better, and potential relationships can take a step to the right space by understanding one another.
So now you sit staring at the words and things will blow off in your head like many bulbs going off. You are linking your own thoughts and memories, things that have happened in the past, what could be happening now, well now you have the tools to help. So find your channel, and express it, and then express their love to.

Go forth and prosper all the lovers.

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