Thursday, 3 November 2011

The Cookie Cutter

Carved from bone, constructed with a unique pattern, each bone fitting into a spot, like one big map. From the bone, muscles, organs and skin shape the skeleton. Defining the features, enhancing some areas, making others less bold. What’s left is an anatomy sculpture. A beautiful creature, a being of essence and spirit. From this walking figure, emerges a personality, one that smiles, cries, is happy, can become sad. The emotions that make up a human are unstable. One day you are up and next you are down. You fight, you make up with yourself. At peace, at war, what is clear is we cannot willingly leave this form. If we are angry or happy, they are moods not set in stone, we have the compassion to forgive, the capability to make peace, and the energy to make anyone light up like a sun. Self balance is what we strive for and when we do not find it, like a bomb we explode, either into a monsoon tear river from India, or a sunburnt happy smile from Gabon. How do we make peace with ourselves?

There are things that happen to us, at the time, they are the most painful or happiest time in our life, and when we are young to us they defined us, they made us or broke us. But when we get older we realise I am more than a broken heart or a marriage, success and failure make up my story, but they do not define us. We are we are, we write our own doodles every single day. When we come to realise this self affirmation no one can tear our spirit. We write the script, and yes our family and friends have large contribution and you join books from time to time but it’s still your story. It is a part of your humanity. For every scar you get it remains forever, but as with everything they heal. A really bad skunk style mullet hair cut, your hair will grow back. I live my life like a story, every day I write a new letter into my book called Kyle’s life. It’s a good thing.

Remember when we were kids and we helped mom bake and we had awesome shaped cookie cutters, a closed defined plastic shape, was it a heart, was it a tree or the awesome gingerbread man. A cookie cutter, you ever think about it, add flour and butter and salt into a bowl mix and stir and shimmy and shake until it is cookie dough you can make things with. Now add this to a shape, shove into an oven, set to heat and wait for the outcome. Life is like this cookie cutter. Our parents came together, and made us. From there they raised us as best they could, we grew and grew. We went to school and go accessorised with the learning’s of education and life, and we continued to grow, we faced dangers, we dated, we experimented and faced all the heat yet we grew into adults. And now we were removed from the oven and let to run loose in the world. We are like the cookie cutters, moulded and shaped. But now we live our lives, our way in our time. I’m an awesome ginger bread man and my shiny jelly tot buttons are awesome.

With us making our own life’s we are left to make decisions, and sometimes people cannot face life anymore, to them they have done everything they wanted to do. They have written their story, and they turn to suicide. Their self balance has tipped into the scale of abyss, they do not want to write another dot in their book, instead they weep openly onto the pages, smudging the good and the bad, blurring the line between what is real and what is not. A suicide is not the way to go some say, it is selfish. But before one passes judgement, do you know their story, do you know their life. Simply you don’t. One truly never knows what another person is thinking, or what they feeling. Because we have been shaped to feel a certain way.  A person’s core is a difficult one to balance. Why I am writing a deep memoir about ones true self is because it’s how I feel and how things in my life have made me understand what life is, how people are and how to carry on being.

I have faced a lot of things at the tender age of 23, yet I’m still here, still writing, still living and still making a name for myself. But like us all, I am still on the quest to find true self balance. Fighting off the pass demons and skeletons with an iron fist shoe, not afraid to take leaps to get to the other side.  My life quite simply is not over, and I will outline each letter, highlight the good, cry on the and bad and frown in the uncertain.  My life is not the easiest read when I go back and read the chapters, but they shaped me, they never defined me, so if you feeling off your rocker and need a hug, or you are questioning yourself, and what life will bring. Stop. And just live day by day, we are but human. And human are still evolving and so must your lives. Evolve into a higher place of self acceptance, mould into a better person every day, and life will happen on your terms. So smile and cry, grow and prosper in love, in your career, in friendship. You make your cookie cutter, so cut your path in life.

Peace and Love,

1 comment:

  1. Great read!!! I don't really know what cookie cutter shape I am yet, but I'll figure that out one day :)

    I agree with what you said about people who commit suicide... I attempted suicide a few years back and I know other people who have as well and I don't think people should judge those who have attempted it or those who have committed it... Not many people will understand what I was (and the others) were going through, emotionally, mentally and physically at that time...

    The one thing that I learnt from my attempted suicide is that my life isn't meant to be over and it will never ended by my own hands...